..

I am so sick and tired of my parents dictating  my life. How much longer do I have to assume this role of obedience to every single ridiculous decree of theirs? I fit that mold my entire life, and I assumed that I would be guaranteed freedom once I left for college. But it's not even enough to them that through my independence, I've been able to establish better than average grades, make friends with amazing and life-lasting people, and still stick to respectable morals. No, I'm still consumed by their stubbornness to exaggerate any sense of hold they have over me. And the question always remains the same: "Why?" And their answer, "Because, I said so." And there's the end of that. You would think that this is some mindless rant from the average teenager who just wants to go out and conduct in meaningless crap with her other significantly unintelligent friends. Not even close. All I wanted to do was to come home this weekend and attend a prayer meeting so that I could come relatively closer to answers I can't find on my own. Trudging through the days of schoolwork and club meetings clouds my thoughts and burdens my heart. I just wanted to release everything inside of me and also just consume myself with the Holy Spirit so that I could just be that much closer to being with God. I want to relax in His Spirit, and I'm not saying I can't do that in the comforts of my own room, but just the atmosphere of VHOP would have been so much better than here. And to be surrounded by others who are just as desperate.. I wanted things to be confirmed, to fuel up, to figure myself out. I want to hear God. I just hate so much that I encounter the same problems over and over again every time I come home. What can I do to solve this ongoing cycle in my life? I can't even look at the situation without placing blame onto myself. Somewhere along the way, I have to be at fault. Why else would this be continuing? I'm in the wrong. According to them, I have no sense of responsibility. I am completely ignorant and wrong in all my actions. All I can do is talk back, and I'm not even strong enough to hold back tears. Sometimes my weakness sickens me.